Wow, once again its been a long time.  I have so much to say and so little time.  Well yesterday was Tiki's 21st birthday.  How many years have passed since I began this blog?  Far too many....  I have grown old and distant.  I don't care much for my fellow man, but still I care...  The general public I have no preference for, but there are a few people, very few and far between, that I actually care about.  Generally it is the elderly, but sometimes when I see children that have deadbeats for parents, i spread the generosity hoping that someday they will be able to pay it forward.  

Honestly, right now, I'm only typing because I forgot the whole point I even came to this site right now................. *thinking* ................................................................

I threw up in the shower tonite, I had like 5 beers, so not enough to drink to cause me to ralph....  maybe its cause I make myself sick?

I was thinking tonite.... as to why I feel the need to "prove" myself to other human beings, like I need to "prove myself" or impress them to receive their acceptance... I don't know why I feel like that, and I didn't really realize I was doing it until tonite....  The same with my right arm, I always bring it to my chest, like I'm some kinda special person, its weird.  I noticed it first playing darts, and then I notice I do it all the time....

Must be the anxiety....

I notice it all the time, when I see a bug, when I don't want to touch something, when I get nervous subconsiously and then realize I'm a little nervous.... just whenever.

I forgot to brush  my teeth.

So you realize out of the last 7 sentences, (including this one), 5 of them started with I.

Why Do i Always Talk About Myself?

Really, I try not to, but it's always becasue I'm trying to prove something to someone.

Tomorrow (Because that's my only option), I'm going to start focusing on how other people are, relate to them, but not talk about myself or my life.  Think of it as an experiment..... let's see how that goes.  

Remember............ no " I ".... I hope I can do it....

today marks three years tiki... it only seems like yesterday that i was going to mississippi ... i love you tiki.

well... i guess this is life.  so many memories so many faded faded memories.  here i am, still in the same boat, somewhat.  so many thoughts flying through my head, its hard to keep track of them all...

"I woke up and wished that I were dead, an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed,..."

i miss so much, it really isn't healthy to hang on to the past so much,.. what am i doing here?  how did i let this happen, where did everything and everyone go?  what the fuck happened????  where did i go wrong, i think i know... EVERYTHING i did was wrong. 

i was such a foolish foolish girl, i destroyed so many relationships with my horrible decisions... so many opportunities.... everything has changed now and i am left behind,  left behind.........

hey hey hey hey..... ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh.....won't you come see about me... dancing alone, you know it baby.                 don't you... forget about me...

i am merely a ghost now.... faded and frightning.  and a ghost i shall remain.  until i am reborn, if it will ever happen, i doubt it.  i shall simply float among the existance.... hollowed out and nothing left to take, not even my pride. 

Pril